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Theodore Roosevelt once sagely advised that it’s not the critics in the bleachers—those enthusiastic experts on doing absolutely nothing—that count, but rather the trench warriors on the field, sporting band-aids for the boo-boos they bravely earned. So it was at the International Association of Emergency Management USA’s 2024 awards, where Civil Air Patrol (CAP) bagged not one, not two, but five awards! Move over, Oscars.

Yes, dear reader, CAP claimed Voluntary Organization of the Year, obviously due to their stellar “aerial Uber service” that flew over 36,000 hours in 2023 and saved 150 lives. Also, they managed to collect enough blood to give Dracula a heart attack.

Maj. Gen. Regena Aye, CAP’s national commander and possibly the busiest person in the room, said the awards were a testament to their core value of “excellence,” though nobody asked if that included excellently missing bingo night for search and rescue.

Leading the parade of decorated individuals was Lt. Col. Robert “Dr. Bob” Ditch, recognized for what IAEM calls the Career Excellence Award, which is essentially a fancy way of saying, “Congratulations, you’re not retiring yet!” Ditch has dodged crises from the comfort of chaotic global hot zones like Somalia and even Ground Zero on 9/11, ultimately collecting a hefty bag of achievements his grandkids probably use as bean bags.

The gala continued with awards like the Business and Private Sector Partnership—you know it’s serious when you need a Venn Diagram to figure out what it actually means—going to the CAP/ReadyOp partnership, and educators like Col. William Schlosser providing tales of scholarly gallantry in emergency management.

In a shocking twist of fate (not really), Ditch’s brainchild, “Operation Pulse Lift” (sponsored by his endless energy and caffeine), helped save 132,000 lives, thus making him worthy of the “Please Don’t Retire, We’re Not Done Here” award.

Ditch joked—presumably over his morning coffee—that with 50 years of service, maybe IAEM was subtly hinting it might finally be time to retire. But with a lifetime GO card for volunteerism, why retire when there’s always a world to save before sundown? Backyard BBQs will have to wait.

The event eventually wrapped up, leaving the stars like Ditch, Schlosser, and others to celebrate by doing what they do best—ensuring they’re never in the “cheap seats” of life, unless there’s a halftime show.

As Gen. Jimmy Doolittle might say if he ever crossed paths with our CAP heroes: truly, “nothing stronger than the heart of a volunteer,” especially those operating on caffeine and a sprinkle of chaos.

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