2 minute read

In a plot twist worthy of a prime-time TV drama, the Civil Air Patrol (CAP) embarked on a whirlwind month-long episode responding to Hurricanes Helene and Milton. Sporting their best capes (metaphoric, of course), over half of the organization’s 52 wings took to the air, ground, and the world wide web to support FEMA and state emergency agencies. Maj. Gen. Regena M. Aye, CAP’s national commander and CEO-scriptwriter, hinted at the tension and excitement of the mission. “We train for this plot twist but really hope the scriptwriters don’t throw it at us,” Aye remarked, pensively twirling a pencil.

Acting as a superhero ensemble, CAP posed as the U.S. Air Force’s finest civilian sidekick. Their mission? To swoop in and save lives, relieve suffering, prevent property loss, and serve humanitarian award-winning performances in Defense Support of Civil Authorities operations.

CAP’s aircrews from the North Carolina Wing, and their spirit squads from four adjacent states, weren’t content with mere cameo roles. No, these aerial avengers logged 151 glamour flights, soaring for 340 hours like the selfie stars they were, and volunteering 853 hours creating dramatic images of destruction for FEMA and their equally eager public.

“Our members were already cameras rolling before Helene even touched down!” exclaimed Col. Dennis Bissell, North Carolina’s Wing commander, possibly while updating his LinkedIn status. “We provided directors at all levels with stunning visuals that aided in plot development and compelling decision-making.”

As actors in a post-apocalyptic saga, aircrews wielded their sophisticated cameras as if shooting a summer blockbuster. The captured images played vital roles in search and rescue scenes, gathering a flood of data sure to win the hearts (and charts) of critics everywhere.

On terra firma, North Carolina Wing’s extras, alongside their Maryland, South Carolina, and Virginia allies, clocked in an epic 7,428 volunteer hours over 95 missions. Their MAGA-movie-scale logistics campaign fed water, Meals Ready-to-Eat, and unpotable water (because everyone loves a plot twist) to affected residents. Oranges are the new black, and logistics is the new action genre.

In a move envied by streaming services, the CAP Geospatial Team unleashed over 100 digital wizards online, partnering with FEMA’s computer-generated imagery wizards. Together, their digitally enhanced adventures gave even more flair to the double feature of Helene and Milton.

Upon Milton’s landfall, the script—far too thrilling for any single hurricane—turned suspenseful, mixing tornado threats and heart-stopping action sequences without intermission. Over 204 CAP members, alongside cohort FEMA stars and Dewberry geospatial artists, completed a jaw-dropping 259,000 assessments.

Maj. Scott Kaplan, CAP’s geospatial mission overseer (and likely hologram proxy of Tony Stark), declared, “This is our movie-making peak, surpassing even our previous spectacle during Hurricane Ida.” Their combined efforts spearheaded seven presidential disaster declarations, surely worthy of awards consideration.

The CAP aircrew’s stylish flyovers, presented 3D and oblique masterpieces captured by airplane actors, put other disaster response films to shame. Meanwhile, boots on the ground provided the gritty, award-stone realism every epic requires, logging 11,801 volunteer hours in Helene’s tempestuous theatre.

With a star-studded cast of cadets and adult members, surprise guest appearances from utility poles, damaged bridges, and a suite of natural disasters, CAP’s efforts culminated in a colossal season finale with nearly $60,000 in governmental savings, although no one’s seen the royalty checks yet.

In conclusion, this month-long spectacular, starring Civil Air Patrol and co-produced by Hurricanes Helene and Milton, left audiences gasping globally. Keeping us all wondering, will CAP return for another season, or has this curtain call set too high a bar even for them? Stay tuned, as nature will surely write the sequel.

Updated: