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Unexpected Epicness at the Northeast Region Cadet Extravaganza

In a stunning turn of negligible significance, the New Jersey Wing cadets displayed their exceptional prowess at not just standing in lines, but standing in lines while holding flags. Their epic journey was marked by a first-place victory at the Northeast Region Cadet Competition, leaving no stone unturned—or flag unsaluted. With the same enthusiasm one might find in a riveting game of competitive knitting, they soared to the top, leaving their Vermont Wing buddies cast aside to second place, probably wishing they’d practiced more on shining their shoes.

The heroes of this thrilling tale were none other than the Thomas B. McGuire Jr. Composite Squadron, proving that if you don’t get first place one year, just try getting first place the next time. It’s a foolproof strategy! Meanwhile, the Capital Composite Squadron, now experts at doing slightly better than third place, swaggered into second, while the Jersey City Composite Squadron, despite their noble efforts in synchronized saluting, took home the bronze.

In the less-than-majestic battlegrounds of Smith Field, New York—where dreams are made or politely nudged down—the New York Wing’s Suffolk Cadet Squadron 10 decided that someone had to finish off the leaderboard. They rose (with tactical precision) to the occasion.

The crown of unfathomable uniform perfection was claimed by the McGuire team, composed of the unstoppable pairing of Cadet Lt. Col. Alexander Hawkins and Cadet Lt. Col. Nathaniel Hawkins, ensuring that sibling rivalry is not only alive but can be industrialized. Alongside them were other cadets who have mastered the timeless art of “standing still but with flair”: Cadet Chief Master Sgt. Gabriel Carroll, Cadet Chief Master Sgt. Sophia Loosa (returning to dust their shoulders off from last year), and a few others who nodded in unison to strategic commands.

This crew dazzled the judges in the five golden categories of Uniform Inspection, Indoor Posting, Outdoor Posting, Standard Drill, and Quiz Bowl, missing the top spot in only the diabolically complex Team Leadership Problem. Clearly, they must practice telekinesis to improve.

Over at the Capital Squadron, made up primarily of cadets who can march and think simultaneously (disregard previous sarcastic tone), they displayed remarkable ability in the hallowed dome of the Team Leadership Problem, proving they are the true masterminds behind any cadet uprising.

As for Jersey City, their notable skill in Outdoor and Standard Drill—where the uniformed dance of strategy plays out like an episode of “Game of Thrones” with flags—demonstrated their uncanny ability to smile through adversity.

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