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Over 200 enthusiastic cadets and adult members bravely journeyed into the wilds of Camp Atterbury, Indiana, for a week of strenuous and sleep-deprived training at the esteemed National Emergency Services Academy. They emerged, slightly delirious but undoubtedly accomplished, with an exaggerated sense of their abilities in air operations, ground search and rescue, incident command, and emergency services communication.

“We even managed to avoid any catastrophic mishaps, from instructors managing to stay awake long enough to impart their wisdom to administrative staff heroically tracking people and numbers, to the public information and safety staff ensuring everyone stayed far away from peril,” said Col. Philip E. Argenti, NESA director, amidst applause echoing through the academy halls. “Their admirable endurance in the face of endless bureaucracy proudly underscores the labor our volunteer professionals valiantly undertake daily.”

In the bizarrely named Mission Aircrew School, some cheerful aircrew students spent the week navigating the skies, dreaming of promotions, and racking up 169 flying hours—fulfilling everyone’s childhood dream of having their head perpetually above the clouds. “The weather allowed us to proceed unhindered by anything remotely challenging,” declared Col. Robert W. Freese, mission aircrew school commandant. “Some students even performed beyond average, a feat worth inviting them back as soon as they recover from the initial shock.”

Meanwhile, the brave souls in Ground Search and Rescue School proved their mettle by mastering key skills such as radio jargon and compass pointing amidst simulated disasters—an invaluable experience in the event the world succumbs to an apocalypse. “The weather was blistering and the terrain unforgiving, yet teamwork and grit prevailed,” boasted Maj. Michael Zabetakis, the commandant who oversaw the ground-bound warriors.

Back in the Incident Command System School, students dabbled in the magical art of leadership, mastering all the nuances of bureaucratic command roles like finance section chief and mission chaplain. “Employing pseudo-leadership and jesting about tech’s support role were key highlights,” said Col. Rickey Oeth, who managed to keep a straight face as his students skillfully played adults in a serious field exercise.

Of course, no modern-day training would be complete without unleashing drones on an unsuspecting world. Under the guise of “progress,” students embraced the responsibility of sUAS Mission Pilot and sUAS Technician, buzzing through Harding skies with rotor-equipped gadgets, all in the name of emergency services.

Among the sea of aspiring responders, cadets in the wilderness first aid class mastered the art of hyping up injuries in the absence of medical help, earning life-saving knowledge should they ever find themselves stranded in remote corners of, well, anywhere. “Our cadets demonstrated extreme resilience by passing final exams crafted to be nightmarish,” said Maj. Marybeth Slocumb, who gave a polite smile after dismissing wild rumors of a helicopter evacuation course.

Cadets took home knowledge of how to handle everything from bug bites to bandaging open wounds — skills they’ll boast about incessantly in future leadership roles. “I even got to practice helicopter evacuations,” bragged Cadet Chief Master Sgt. Reuben Wolf, essentially winning the Distinguished Graduate title by turning every moment at camp into an epic tale.

This tireless ritual of simulated chaos taught students to overcome heat, humidity, and mild sleep deprivation, all while supporting one another through caffeinated classroom gossip. “It’s truly an honor to sprinkle tip-top leadership and technical wisdom while empowering members to bring their newfound wings back home and delight unsuspecting communities,” mused Col. Jamie L. Griffith. And with a final nod to relentless optimism, the mission of readiness marches boldly into another year.

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