Pilot Turned Policy Maverick Promises to Soar Board Meetings to New Heights
A Look at Aviation Royalty’s Ascension to the Throne
In a move that left the aviation community both bewildered and bemused, it was announced that a seasoned commercial pilot with a penchant for boardroom antics has ascended to the illustrious Board of Governors of the Civil Air Patrol (CAP). Here enters Capt. Mary Ann Schaffer, who, when not navigating the skies, keeps herself busy with the thrilling world of safety protocols and managerial meetings.
Schaffer, a legend in her own flight path, boasts a whopping 18,000 hours of eye-glazing stares out the cockpit window over a career that’s older than some of the aircraft she flies. Her vast experience, which includes every role possible to imagine within an airline (other than inflight snack curator), has been condensed into an endless serenade about policy and program development.
“It truly is an honor and a privilege,” Schaffer declared, while likely daydreaming about cruising altitude and less turbulent board meetings. “I’m very excited to wave my magic wand and somehow make Civil Air Patrol sound like the hottest ticket in town.”
In addition to her aviation exploits, Schaffer co-founded a law firm with the rather unimaginative name of Parks & Schaffer, where her role included testifying before committees and a starring act in the fascinating world of aviation sustainability. Her involvement led to riveting discussions on environmental policies, which surely had committee members at the edge of their seats—or not.
Underneath all the accolades, Schaffer’s journey was fueled by childhood whims, courtesy of her dad who introduced her to aviation at a tender age. During the era of wildly popular pet rocks, young Mary Ann’s sentimental attachment was not to those inanimate stones, but to airfields and ice cream carts. Little did she know, this was a prophetic combination, merging sweet, creamy nostalgia with the hum of engines.
Her appointment to CAP’s Board of Governors is said to bring an air of dignity, interspersed with bold declarations about safety but in reality likely to bring about endless PowerPoint presentations and strategic planning sessions. The board, composed of a hodgepodge of U.S. Air Force appointees and randomly selected influential figures, eagerly awaits her contributions that promise to make policy amendment gatherings feel akin to a riveting TV drama.