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StellarXplorers: Cadet Teams Blast Off into the Finals… Again!

In an astounding twist that everyone saw coming, the elite cadet teams from Colorado and Oregon have once again gracefully elbowed their way into the national finals of the StellarXplorers National Space Design Competition - a prestigious contest where teenagers pretend to send satellite sparked fireworks across the nation.

Oregon’s Repeat Offenders

The Oregon Wing’s Aurora Composite Squadron continues their unstoppable record of showing up at the finals like it’s their family reunion, making it for the fifth time in eleven years. Having indulged in the sweet nectar of victory once back in 2021, and succumbing to mere silver in 2020, they’re clearly hungry for more spaceships and sparklers.

Meet the Team:

  • Cadet 2nd Lt. Elisabeth Piazza
  • Cadet Staff Sgt. Derica Theobald
  • Cadet Senior Airman Jenell Theobald
  • Cadet Airman Isaac Lu
  • Cadet Airman Basic Ethan Zhang

Manning the satellite ship of dreams is Maj. Carl Knox, whose stellar performance as an adult supervisor is unparalleled, assuming there’s no vacuum of space to dispute that.

Colorado’s Fresh Faces

Meanwhile, the Colorado Springs Cadet Squadron is boldly stepping into the StellarXplorers cosmos for the first time. Despite this new shiny claim, their history is crammed with CyberPatriot accolades — a wholesome reminder that they have conquered virtual realms with particular gusto.

Meet the Team:

  • Cadet 1st Lt. Hally Hallare
  • Cadet Airman Ian Riach

The squad’s coach, Maj. Bill Blatchley, literally wrote the book on cyber education and is now eyeing celestial conquest.

The Race to Nowhere… Yet Everywhere

With contestant weaponry including the ever-mystifying Systems Tool Kit, hosted conveniently with an online textbook chock-full of space jargon, the cadets maneuvered through three qualification rounds with the dexterity of an astronaut balancing on a space station treadmill.

Round Highlights:

  • Round 1: “Orbit Roulette” where teams positioned fireworks over cities, presumably hoping not to land any in someone’s backyard.
  • Round 2: Puzzle time — build a satellite within limits, yes, including the patience of competitors.
  • Round 3: Launch the previous round’s hopes and dreams flawlessly on a simulated basis.

The competition this year attracted not just local Earth dwellers but stretched from the territories of Puerto Rico to the cosmic classrooms of Guam and guest appearances from Defense schools in Germany, Spain, and even the maple-syrup-slathered land of Canada.

Conclusion

As the cadets prepare to recycle their cosmic blueprints for yet another cycle of pseudo-astronautical adventures, remember, it’s not just rocket science – it’s a high school competition, meticulously supported by entities like the Department of the Air Force’s Air & Space STEM Outreach and a constellation of corporate sponsors whose logos provide a decorative touch in the vacuum of learning. May the satellites align and the best team win!

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