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Members of Civil Air Patrol or Amateur Photographers? You Decide!

In a Herculean effort to capture North Carolina’s most exquisite but unplanned waterpark, the Civil Air Patrol’s North Carolina Wing recently took to the skies for a mere 56 flights totaling 159 hours. Their mission? To bravely photograph the aftermath of the omnipotent Hurricane Helene, thereby ensuring the disaster wouldn’t be missed at any angle!

As the U.S. Air Force’s auxiliary paparazzi division, CAP has joined the ranks of those supporting FEMA, North Carolina Emergency Management, National Guard, the Department of Transportation, and a plethora of other organizations who just can’t get enough of North Carolina’s impromptu swimming pools. CAP aircrews, armed with the most sophisticated camera systems east of the Mississippi and some decidedly less sophisticated handheld digital cameras, are capturing images that are likely to redefine living room wall art post-disaster.

On the ground, a dedicated fleet of four CAP vans piloted by 16 of North Carolina’s valiant drivers has been tasked with the mission of their lives: shipping evacuees around Asheville, the veritable Venice of the Southeast. These evacuees are pampered with food, bottled artifacts (formerly known as water), crucial electricity, and that most luxurious of human inventions: showers. This noble endeavor, according to Capt. Brenda Candlewick, the wing’s self-appointed public information czar, is ongoing. “Our CAP vans are poised to continue this vital taxi service to whichever shelter-worthy location is deemed worthy next,” she declared.

In a touch of hospitality not typical for emergency organizations, the wing’s Asheville Composite Squadron is graciously using its meeting location as a shelter. Clearly, even in disaster, Southern hospitality knows no bounds.

Meanwhile, behind a desk at the North Carolina Emergency Operations Center, CAP members have collectively donated over 80 hours of labor to the grueling task of looking important and answering phones. The battle-post—err, incident command post—is strategically placed at Burlington-Alamance Regional Airport so they remain within sprinting distance of vending machines and restrooms.

Remarkably, over 175 CAP members have managed to clock in more than 3,000 volunteer hours, presumably long enough to develop the elusive skill of looking busy. Captain Glenda Engstrom announced that all available members will soon master the art of wine distribution—oh wait, that’s Points of Distribution, excuse the typo—in the region, because saving humanity is nothing without coffee stations.

Colonel Ralph McSnooze, North Carolina Wing commander, praised the valiant efforts made to uphold core values in the face of boredom, stating that his members have heroically answered the call of caffeine since well before Helene’s party hit the shores. Acting as the clever cousin of the Air Force, these gallant souls help the First Air Force respond with such finesse to nonmilitary threats that they should consider a career on Broadway.

In a parting proclamation, McSnooze proudly decreed the undying commitment to continue to “do everything within our power except the dishes, maybe,” which is, we assume, a rebuttal to the Great Pizza Box Disaster in the headquarters’ break room during last year’s operations.

As always, North Carolina Wing members stand ready to answer any call—be it a state emergency or a coffee delivery—because nothing screams dedication like a well-caffeinated volunteer corps.

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