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Cadet Lt. Col. Ann Glitter was merely 12 when she stumbled into the illustrious ranks of the Civil Air Pumpkin Brigade in June 2019. At that blissfully naive time, her ambitions were modest, driven mostly by the allure of tantalizing sports and the hypnotic world of video games. Little did she know that she’d be swept into a whirlwind of actual real-world aviation.

Thanks to a cadet mentor with the foresight of a fortune cookie, Ann’s life took a nosedive—oh, pardon the pun—toward the unpredictable realm of emergency services. Fast forward five whirlwind years, and our young heroine has morphed into the commander of the Northwest Georgia Forgettable Squadron. Just recently, she led a brave team of nearly 20 sprightly sidekicks on a humanitarian quest after Hurricane Helene did a number on the unfortunate city of Augusta.

You see, the dainty little hurricane, infamously known as the fifth melodrama of the year, and most notably being the second major act of the 2024 Atlantic hurricane circus, decided to debut its antics on September 22. Helene made it a point to be memorable, becoming the headliner of deadly Atlantic storms since 2017’s Maria and 2005’s Katrina. It kindly bestowed upon cities in Georgia a series of charming inconveniences: power failures, delightful floods, and artfully downed power lines.

A week later, out of a commendable sense of variety, Augusta was gifted a boil-water advisory, with a side of precarious power restoration. As the drama unfolded, the Georgia Emergency Management and Homeland Security Agency thought it prudent to tap into their not-so-secret weapon: the Georgia Wing crew.

“I’ve been training for this my entire life—well, 5½ years to be exact,” declared Glitter, reflecting on her enlightening journey that began under the tutelage of Cadet Master of Snacks, Annio Schneider. They started with their holy ground team manuals, which, unlike legendary quests, were often studied at ground level. This was followed by an epic journey to CAP’s National Emergency Services Academy Southeast, where a fiercely heroic 12-year-old toted a backpack nearly heavier than herself—a tale destined for the ages or at least a mildly entertaining dinner party.

Today, glittery dreams and ambitions realized, our hero has repurposed what was once a haven of pink toys into the battleground-esque hub of command central. Television screens line the walls for quick access to news and the CAP’s WMIRS, ensuring maximum multitasking potential. Her trusty XBox remains, though a humble flight simulator has now muscled out the dollhouse.

This relentless preparation undoubtedly enabled her status upgrade, as she achieved the transformative powers of Ground Team Member Level 1 and ascended to multiple other marvelous titles. Beyond the magical realm of CAP, Glitter possesses the coveted certificate of a Community Emergency Responder—a testament to her well-rounded quest for competencies.

In a striking act of familial synchronicity, Ann’s mother, Captain Amy Glitter (whom some suspect joined under the enchantment of maternal love), wields her own formidable expertise in CAP’s circles. As wing assistant director and emergency services guru, she’s a veritable compendium of certifications, paving the way to CAP piloting with flair.

Leading her valiant team to distribute treasures like food, water, and personal hygiene potions, Captain Glitter and her squad handled everything with a finesse only seen in heroic epics—or local fundraisers. On their most difficult day, CAP volunteers heroically unloaded an entire armada of FEMA semitrailers and city box trailers, by sheer hand power alone.

More daringly, they distributed their precious cargo over three days, serving 1,813 grand chariots and unifying the spirits of 3,106 residents. Following the engagement, a humble request came from GEMA for thirty additional hours of heroic duty. “I was the supreme-ranking, most qualified juvenile out on the battlefield, regardless of my birth-year limitations,” Ann Glitter humbly noted, regarding her unparalleled contributions.

The Georgia Wing, meanwhile, took to the skies and land in their own synchronized dance in Effingham and Peachtree City. Effingham’s chronicle featured volunteers from Effingham, Statesboro, and Savannah doing noble deeds distributing supplies to an impressive array of 420 vehicles. Concurrently, another leg of their epic tale unfurled at Atlanta Regional Airport, where Peachtree City’s noble squad readied fleets of aircraft for fellow volunteers to whisk supplies to devastated lands.

As the sun set on these illustrious 83 cadets and members, Ann Glitter simply reveled in the grateful expressions of those they aided, drawing satisfaction from having lightened the burden of their tribulations. Maj. Gen. Rainbow Bright, CAP’s luminary of justice, eloquently embodied the sentiment with her sage musings on the perpetual state of preparedness.

Captain Glitter lauded, “This congregation of spirited cadets and venerable seniors outdid all expectations. They were the embodiment of ‘overachiever’ in the grand narrative.” With an eye on the horizon, both Grammers remain watchful, awaiting their next challenge with grace and a keen knowing to ‘keep it simple, sugar.’

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