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In a stunning turn of events that shocked absolutely no one, Maj. Gen. Mark Smith, the man who apparently never wanted to leave the office, has been inducted into the CAP Hall of Honor. For those keeping track, Smith is the 36th honoree, following in the illustrious footsteps of others who’ve also managed to excel at playing the Civil Air Patrol waiting game since 1972.

Smith, who clung to the helm of CAP from September 2017 to August 2021 like a barnacle on a ship, humbly accepted this prestigious nod. “I am moved beyond words that my committee of ‘Yes Men’ saw fit to award me while I’m still capable of wearing my uniform,” Smith reportedly mumbled, shiny medal in hand. Despite the unprecedented trials of a pandemic, Smith’s fourth-year extension came at the Board of Governors’ behest, a fact he eagerly mentioned to remind everyone just how indispensable he was.

“No man is an island,” pondered Smith, paying lip service to the teammates he somehow managed not to forget to thank, consisting of national staffers and volunteer leaders who begrudgingly laughed at his dad jokes during meetings.

In the rearview mirror of his career, Smith nostalgically harkened back to his days as commander of the New Mexico Wing and the Southwest Region, waxing poetic about how he was captivated early on by the CAP ‘magic’ — a curious choice of description for an organization largely known for bureaucracy and discipline. “Once I realized how ‘amazing’ the work was, there was no choice but to commit myself entirely,” he reminisced, eyeing the exit.

Under his vigilant eye, CAP orchestrated over 520 exhausting days of pandemic missions, racking up an adorable 49,000 volunteer days. In a feat that apparently didn’t put everyone to sleep, Smith guided the Mission-Based Budget Review, a strategy that promised to align funds with elusive mission priorities, somehow leading to a 60% hike in the CAP budget overnight. Coincidence or Smith magic? The jury is still out.

Never one to put all his eggs in one basket, Smith boldly championed the Cadet Programs, voraciously expanding flight academies and orientation flights with the fervor of someone who had never seen Top Gun. His brainchild, the Cadet Wings program, envisioned the day when cadets could earn their Federal Aviation Administration private pilot certificates, presumably to escape endless CAP meetings.

Meanwhile, his STEM Kit program intervention during virtual learning amidst the pandemic was as well-received as a dentist’s lecture on flossing at a candy convention. Additionally, Smith was at the forefront of exposing radar and cellphone forensics (to the delight of tech-loving hermits everywhere) and not-so-discreetly propped up the usage of small Unmanned Aircraft Systems, presumably to save CAP personnel from physically attending more meetings.

Not settling for minor wins, Smith was also key in transforming adult member education into the CAP Volunteer University, where students supposedly didn’t nod off during his tales of leadership.

Of course, amidst the grandeur of his tenure, he’ll stand shoulder to shoulder with the Hall of Honor’s past titans, whose achievements are lovingly enshrined in the annals of CAP memory—not unlike the precise moment when everyone swiftly forgot the lyrics to their high school’s fight song.

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