2 minute read

AKA: The Great Glider Grounding of 2025

In a move that shocked at least 17 soaring enthusiasts and confused several cadets who just wanted to fly without an engine, Civil Air Patrol has hit the brakes—er, airbrakes—on its national glider program for all of 2025.

Maj. Gen. Regena Aye announced the pause in November, citing the need for a “holistic review,” which is military speak for “we need to clean this whole thing up before someone actually launches a glider into a Dairy Queen.”

“Our glider fleet won’t make it long-term without serious TLC and a plan that doesn’t include duct tape and prayer,” Aye said, probably while looking over a spreadsheet labeled ‘Tow Planes Held Together With Hope.’

Enter: The Working Group (a.k.a. Glider Avengers)

This elite squad of spreadsheet warriors meets weekly to unravel the mysteries of CAP’s glider program. Members include:

  • Col. Jason Hess – Rocky Mountain Region Commander and full-time diagram enthusiast
  • Col. Virginia Nelson – Pacific Region Commander, preparing for her next gig in retirement or skydiving
  • Michael Nunemaker – Chief Strategy Officer, fluent in bullet points
  • Mike Valdez – Chief of Logistics, master of “where did we park that glider?”
  • Kristina Jones – Chief Growth Officer, now attempting to grow a grounded program

Joining them from CAP-USAF are:

  • Chris Hamm – Director of Safety and King of the “Nope” stamp
  • Durk Gerhardt – Who probably lifts gliders with his bare hands
  • Jason Ceminsky – Reserve Coordinator, possibly still coordinating things

A Very Strategic Process™

The plan is split into three military-grade phases because PowerPoint demands it:

Phase I: Audit

The team is digging through eServices, Ops Quals, WIMRS, and other systems only three people in CAP actually understand. Early discoveries include:

  • 366 members have held glider pilot qualifications (including the one guy who flew once in 2004 and won’t stop talking about it)
  • 154 pilots are “active,” though the word “active” is open to interpretation
  • 41 gliders with an average airframe age of 33 years (which is older than some cadets)
  • 54 tow planes, average age 25 years, and at least two still think Y2K is a threat

Phase II: Assess

Subgroups will form to decode what all this data actually means. Expect heated debates such as:

  • “Should we buy new gliders?”
  • “Can we fix the old ones with epoxy and dreams?”
  • “What even is humidity?”

These teams will look for patterns, themes, and probably arguments about what counts as a “safe landing.”

Phase III: Recommend

By late 2025, the group will present a list of possible futures to Maj. Gen. Aye, ranging from:

  • “Buy shiny new gliders!”
  • “Create a VR glider simulator and call it innovation.”
  • “Just call it the ‘Aerial Sled Program’ and let morale handle the rest.”

Col. Hess reminded everyone, with full strategic seriousness:

“We must remain data-driven and forward-thinking—preferably at a glide ratio of 20:1. While stories about epic

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